The Crew

Lt. Commander Bob Frantz

Lt. Commander Tug Johnson

Lt.Commander Tug He's the stylish one in the crew

Hello Welcome Aboard! I’m Lt. Commander Tug Johnson, your Tactical and Rest and Recreation officer. Former commanding officer of USS John H. Boner…But lets not talk about why I was demoted to Lt. Commander and relieved of my command. That’s all in the past. Ever since I was a young lad I’ve always wanted to explore…men…..I mean space..space..and that’s it. Anyways I like to keep the crew in tip top shape by inviting them to morning nude yoga in the holodeck. I work hard and play hard….sometimes maybe a bit too hard…that’s probably why I’m no longer the Captain of the Boner but lets not reminsce about the past. Aside from that I don’t like to use the transporter so I like to have my own personal shuttlecraft which I have painted the name “TUG” on the side…that’s so you know that it’s mine. I also collect 2tst Century weapons and enjoy going on away missions…so yep that’s….about it…oh and I don’t like Lt.Command Worf…IT WAS A JOKE! I MOONED YOU YES BUT THAT WAS FOR FUN AND I WAS SPACE DRUNK! NO NEED TO REPORT IT TO STARFLEET AND GET ME DEMOTED YOU DICK BAG!….DAMMIT! I’m sorry sometimes I just lose it.

Lt. Commander Dennis Black-and-Asian

Fun with transporters!
I like transporters…I pick thing up and put them down…

I was lucky to get into Starfleet Academy. I almost slept through my Space SAT and I just had to fill out the answer sheet without reading any questions.  Imagine my surprise when I got accepted into the engineering program! After graduating in 2357, I was posted on the USS Bukakke; I thought it would be a fun ship but I soon found out it was named after a method of serving noodles and not…well, just not what I originally thought…

Eventually I did a stint working security at the outpost Seran T-1.  There were a bunch of egghead engineering types there, but they did have a pretty kick-ass Orion-themed bar. Unfortunately after one drunken night, Leah Brahms wouldn’t stop calling me so I had to get transferred off station…and so that’s how I ended up on the Boner…so to speak…

Lt. Commander Jennie Zell

Lt. Commander Hulkster

Lt. Commander Benjamin T. McCormick 

I'm an excellent driver

I am the former commanding officer of the USS Yorktown NCC-1704-C. After a distinguished career I was stripped of command and demoted to Lt. Commander due to an incident involving three Green Orion Slave Girls, a Holographic Nun, two chimpanzees and a collection of Klingon aphrodisiacs. I now serve as the Helmsman on the USS Boner. My driving record is a little spotty with four totaled vehicles in a 13 month period. Hopefully the Boner’s insurance rates won’t go up too much.

and Acting Ensign Amy H. Klein

19 thoughts on “The Crew

  1. Jerry Dunford

    How excited was Lt. Commander Tug Johnson for episode 4 “code of honor”? Lt. Yar…. What a space whore! First she makes out with a stranger she just bumped into. Second she bangs out Mr. Data. Then she goes for the BBC. NICE!!!!

    Reply
    1. Lt Cmdr Black-and-Asian

      Hi Jerry…to hear Lt Cmdr Johnson’s reaction to Yar’s “activities”, check out Episode 2 of the podcast now available on iTunes!

      Reply
    1. Lt Cmdr Black-and-Asian

      The next episode of Dork Trek is out now! Sorry for the delay but Baltimore Comic Con and Hurricane Irene threw off our recording schedule…we’ll try to never fail you again! : )

      Reply
    1. Lt Cmdr Black-and-Asian

      That’s pretty funny…I guess some people don’t think there’s anything to joke about when it comes to Star Trek and Picard!

      Reply
      1. IMAFISH

        Thank you Tug!
        Some people have no sense of humor.

        BTW: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ( 6 days later ) AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa.
        What should we do with the body? I dont care. Its just a shell…

        Reply
  2. hnewberry99

    Thank you Tug!
    Some people have no sense of humor.

    BTW: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ( 6 days later ) AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa.
    What should we do with the body? I dont care. Its just a shell…

    Reply
  3. Phillip Dycaico

    I added your delightful podcast a few weeks ago. I was a kid when TOS first came out and it was magical to me. Your show is very funny and engaging. The way you all interact is sweet and very entertaining. I started laughing out loud at the gym while I was working out. TNG was different in that the questions it ask were more nuanced and I am a big fan of Patrick Stewart. Trek is an idea that somehow humans will survive our “dragons of eden” and live up to our noble potential. Keep up the good work. I’m 54 now and the Abrams Star Trek still feels magical. Thanks kids.

    Reply
  4. Tom55

    Hey Commander Ben, I think you need a better pic on this website. You’ve got a great voice on the podcast, very friendly and knowledgeable. But this pic you have on now is less than flattering. It doesn’t look like the guy I enjoy listening to twice a week.
    Just an observation.

    Reply

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