Being stationed on the USS Boner for several months now, I noticed that we had no on-board Ship’s Counselor, yet it seems that many of the 480 crew members could really use a good therapy session. There is a lot of drama on this vessel.

I brought up this concern with Capt.  Notpatrick Stewart. “Excellent observation,” he said, “I completely agree with you. Since you seem to be the most qualified, I hereby assign you as part time Ship’s Counselor.” Continue reading →

I have noticed recently that the supply of space Viagra is dwindling quickly. At the current rate, I suspect that we will run out before we have a chance to restock. I am concerned that the crew may be using this… er, recreational… drug a bit too recreationally. While I suspect there is no fear of physical addiction, I suspect that some may have formed a mental dependence and now use it as an easy out in place of good old fashioned foreplay.

I will suggest to the captain that we hold a voluntary group session where I will counsel crewmembers on holistic alternatives to Space Viagra. Clothing optional.